Thirteen Years Strong
Today marks thirteen years I took a hard look in the mirror, after stepping on the scale and seeing the number had climbed well over 200, and decided it was time to make a change. I’m so proud of where I once was and how far I’ve come. In the beginning, my focus was solely on losing weight. Now, “healthy” means living with vibrancy and confidence, knowing I’m staying within my range of what feels right. It’s no longer about starvation, meticulously counting macros only to binge later, or persecuting myself with an insane workout; it’s about balance.
But don’t get it twisted—it’s taken WORK to get here.
In the last 21 months, I’ve been on another wild exploration of what role alcohol served in my life. I’m 21 months without a drink because I wanted to see what my life looked like without alcohol. And please understand me… I still have fun in other ways! I recently heard the term “California sober,” and I guess it’s the closest to defining the box I fit in, but even that has evolved. It’s been a revealing journey of self-discovery, and every day I get clearer on what truly serves me.
Breaking generational stigmas around weight, self-confidence, and body image has been one of my proudest achievements. My mom struggled with these issues, and I often wish we could chat about them now. In 2018, when I decided to enter therapy and work on myself, I made a vow: I wouldn’t have children until I healed my relationship with my body and food. It wouldn’t be fair to pass on those burdens. And while I don’t have my own child, one has entered my life in a big way. I realized I had broken the cycle when she asked me what “clean eating” was after hearing it somewhere else—and I realized those words no longer come out of my mouth. HOLY SHIT. The cycle ends with me, and I’m pretty fucking proud of that.
In the past several years, I’ve learned to be much softer with myself—that’s the real triumph. I no longer beat myself up for not eating perfectly or indulging when I need a break. The real priority now is mental health. I focus on keeping my brain in a happy place: daily walks, sunshine, light therapy, meditation, leaning on trusted friends, and setting boundaries to keep myself energetically safe. It’s about finding the things that keep me going and knowing when to give myself grace.
This year, I got serious about intermittent fasting and syncing it with my hormones—game changer. I also realized how much body dysmorphia has played a role in my life. Some days, I can’t trust the reflection staring back, but recognizing it means I’m winning the battle, one day at a time.
I’m still getting those 10K steps a day, hitting the weights three times a week, and doing my best to drink more water (always a work in progress). I know I’m a better person when I’m taking care of myself, and everything in my life reflects that balance—personal and professional relationships thrive when I’m good to me.
You have to be ready. It took me years to find my groove, and truthfully, the magic happened when I stopped trying to fit into the fitness industry mold and focused on my own wellness. On September 19, 2011, after years of wanting to be thinner, I finally committed to change. And now, 13 years later, I’m closer than I’ve ever been to the best version of me.
This past year, I’m craving something new—another challenge that pushes me physically, mentally, and emotionally. Ideas? Drop them in the comments—I’m all ears!
Being fit is ever-changing, and the goalpost keeps moving. I might never find complete peace, but I’m closer than I’ve ever been. My hope in sharing my story is that you see yourself in some part of it. You’re not alone. The journey can feel lonely, but when you’re ready, the power to change is within you.
Thank you to everyone who’s been on this ride with me. Whether you’ve trained with me, coached me, or simply cheered me on, your support means everything.
Here’s to the next chapter—let’s keep going, together.
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